How often are we so stuck in the rhythm of doing things for the Lord, that we completely miss Him in the process? How often are we doing a “good thing” to serve the Lord, but we are doing it for completely selfish reasons? If I’m answering for myself; the answer is far too much.
I’ve shared this in previous blogs, but the Lord just keeps showing me clearer and clearer how selfish I am. I often feel like I deserve things. I often feel like things are owed to me. On what grounds can I stake this claim? I often put myself first and have my eyes closed to the people around me.
Oh, Lord, do I repent of my “me-centered” view of the world. I pray that the Lord continues to remind me that I am not the center of my own world.
This past Sunday, the Lord convicted my heart in a big way. To set the scene for you, we had our second church service at the site where we have been beginning to build a church. It is such a sweet space. We are building the church from the ground up and it doesn’t have walls yet, it is just a leveled plot with wonky shaped logs on the ground for people to sit. There isn’t enough logs for everyone and so about half of the people that come just plop down in the dirt.
Here I was, sitting in the dirt, in the blazing sun, on the top of a mountain in a remote village in Honduras talking about the Lord, ugh what a gift. If Jesus was here I have no doubt that He would be booty down in the dirt alongside us smiling at the whole scene.
Sunday morning around 10am the service started and this is where I lost sight of Jesus. I didn’t see Him sitting in the dirt next to me, I forgot to even look.
Some of squad mates launched into worship that was beautiful and gave a glimpse into the Kingdom. It was at this time that the Lord opened my eyes to the scene around me and I got angry, really angry, wringing my sweaty hands angry. It was anger directed at myself; righteous anger graciously given to me by the Father to open my eyes.
It became clear to me that myself and most of my squadmates were sitting on logs at the front of the service. The Honduran people that we had INVITED and many of whom walked over an hour to be present were either standing at the back holding thier children, or were perched in the dirt or woods surrounding the church plot. They weren’t on the benches in the front, I was and so were my friends. I missed it. We missed it.
It become clear to me, if I was in their shoes, it appeared that the scene was conveying the message that the church service wasn’t for them, maybe even that the Kingdom of God wasn’t for them.
God, I’m sorry I didn’t invite. God I’m sorry that I missed You sitting next to me in the dirt, while I faced forward and sang ABOUT you. I want to be someone that doesn’t just talk of You, I want to be someone that SEES You.
Thank the Lord we have a gracious God. Thank the Lord that I don’t have the power to mess up His plans. Thank the Lord that God saves with or without me.
The question is; do I want to be someone who is a stumbling block to the Kingdom or do I want to be someone who is a window into it?
I left the church service, called a friend over and wept. I don’t want to miss Jesus sitting in the dirt next time.
Next church service is going to be different. Myself and my squad I pray won’t miss it this time. The Lord showed me that we can either be a window or a door. I pray that at our next service we welcome people in and see them with such an authenticity that they wonder why. I pray that they are loved so well that there is no question in their minds that it is a brief reflection of what it is like to be ushered into the Kingdom of Heaven. I pray that throughout my life I always welcome people that way.
Next church service, you bet I’m going to be sitting on the ground with dirty pants smiling at the Hondurans who get a front row seat, it’s about time.
Jesus says in the book of John: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” -John 13:34-3
Does the way you live your life proclaim that you are a follower of Jesus? Are you shut door or an open window to the Kingdom of heaven? Have you looked for Jesus sitting in the dirt?
Thanks for the encouragement, Kati!!
DANG. What a good question for all of us – “does the way you live your life proclaim that you are a follower of Jesus?”
Thank you for this sweet reality check and challenge. You are moving mountains through your writing, your courage, and your willingness to ask the hard questions.